Saturday
Personal Log, 14122.8 -
Went shooting with Eric. We met a couple of eurotrash snowboarders at Gallivan, drinking something potent out of a Vanilla Coke can. We lied, of course, about what we were doing there - a pair of journalists for the Daily Utah Chronicle doing a feature for on the Hoberman arch - it's amazing what a little knowledge and balls will get you. No one said no to having their picture taken. I just wish I could have spent more time with the rich, white eurotrash. As opposed to the poor, black eurotrash.
posted by J'myle 12:01 AM
Thursday
Personal Log, 14122.6 -
I just found this at Jesus's Place.
In most cases Jesus will be available and eager to speak to you about spirituality if desired. If you are not spiritual, Jesus will share a beer and pleasant existential banter.
Well, it reminded me of the parable in which Jesus turns water into wine. I thought to myself, is that how Jesus gets his beer? According to Jesus, "Yes and no." When pressed for clarification, Jesus said only, "look, you do not want to know what I turn into beer. Okay?
posted by J'myle 7:42 PM
Tuesday
Personal Log 14122.4 -
More movies today. Martin Scorsese's latest, The Gangs of New York. It's much better than the trailers made it out to be. It's actually pretty damn good. Jim Broadbent deserves an Oscar nod for Boss Tweed, the mayor-mobster of 1850's New York. "We're burying a lot of votes today." Intense film, too. It's like Scorsese is jumping out of the screen, shouting, "You will not for even one second so much as think about looking away from my movie! Got it? And don't mention bathroom breaks, dumbass!"
posted by J'myle 8:25 PM
Monday
Personal Log, 14122.2 -
Well, I finally went to see The Two Towers. Wow.
Yeah, that's all I can say. Wow. It kicked Star Trek's pale, hairy, Bill-Shatner-sized ass.
I also went Christmas shopping for my mother. She is the most incredibly difficult person to shop for. I've been carrying the last of my cash around for a week and a half, looking. It only took my fifteen minutes to shop for everyone else in my family. I finally settled on a book that talks about Indian health philosophies and left me just enough cash for the moive ticket, but damn. It's not even a particularly good gift, either.
But at least it's over.
posted by J'myle 10:01 PM
Sunday
Personal Log, 14122.2 -
I went into the basement at Sam Wellers for the first time today. It's hard to believe I've been to that store so many times and never wandered down to the basement before. I can't belive how wonderful it is, either. Books upon books upon books, streching across a half dozen rooms going from the cavernous to the miniscule... I feel so happy down there. It may, in fact, be the coolest place in this entire city. In fact, I can't think of a better place to go than a bookstore. To think I thought I could go clubbing to cheer myself up.
posted by J'myle 10:33 PM
Personal Log, 14122.2 -
So, I ended the night tonight feeling rather shallow and jealous of those with more money or opportunity or bois than I have, and, as I usually do when I'm in these moods, went down towards where Axis, Bricks and the Trapp are clustered behind Gateway. It's not something I do horribly often, but I've gone down there on a half dozen saturdays this year. Yet again, I failed to get any; I'm batting an awful .333 and I'm not even sure the second one counts.
Not to sound like I'm wallowing in self-pity, however. It's my own fault; I'm wallowing in self-deprecation. I don't go clubbing with the right attitude. I go down when I'm desperately despondent - or just plain desperate, and that's a horrible unattractive attitude. I could probably do better if I could just learn to let go and enjoy myself, but... well...
The problem is that I just bore the hell out of people. I actually do want good conversation, and it's far from the healthy and satisfying point-of-view everyone seems to think it is. Because I really do like to hit it off with people before beginning a relationship, I end up not being attracted to anyone except people I'm friends with it. And because I don't easily make friends with the shallow, I find it impossible to get to know a great deal of queers, so I end up stuck with crushes on the either (a) breeders or (b) the occasionally superbly intelligent, charismatic pansy who is inevitably taken.
No, that's not right. It's not that the homosexual community is shallow by nature, or even by inclination. Rather, the problem is internal; I simply cannot figure out how to start a relationship. Which is unfortunate, because I have never been anything less than a supberb boyfriend. But because I don't like clubbing, I don't have many chances to meet anyone who could return the favor. High school is a breeding ground for the insecure and unengaged, with only a few small refuges. Refuges so small, in fact, that I had done fully half of the even semi-out GLBTQ's by the end of Freshman year. Meanwhile, my entire social life revolves around my friends and aquaintances, and my friends are almost all straight or female, while my aquantainces are all too in the closet for me know to know about them, if they're out at all. While the only place I ever meet strangers is at coffee, and the only people I meet there are all forty-five and married, even the homosexuals.
posted by J'myle 1:01 AM
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